Crime and Safety:
Youth/Parents/Schools > Youth Suicide Prevention Program > Grieving:
What to expect when a loved one has died by suicide - For Teenagers
You know that school, and life as a teen in general, can be complicated and demanding. Deep down, you aren't quite sure of who you are, what you want to be, or whether the choices you make from day to day are the best decisions.
Sometimes the many dangers and pressures you are facing threaten to overwhelm you. So, it isn't surprising that from time to time you or one of your friends feels down or discouraged.
But what about those times when a friend's activity and outlook on life stay "down" for weeks? What about when they start talking about ending their own life? If you know someone like this, your friend might be suffering from depression -- and could well be considering suicide.
What do you do if your friend says he or she has been having serious thoughts about suicide?
- Listen. Be aware of what he or she is saying and how they are feeling. Don't respond by mouthing simple platitudes such as "Things will get better," "Life's rough sometimes," or "But you have so much to live for."
- Encourage your friend to seek professional help.
- Remove or encourage the individual to give up anything that could be immediately lethal, such as drugs, a gun, etc.
- If you find out that your friend has a plan or a timetable, take it seriously. Don't leave them alone and don't be brushed off by "I'm OK now."
- Get your friend to talk about what's bothering them. While talking to them, gently guide the conversation to direct their thoughts toward help and health.
- If your friend won't seek help for themselves, you must take action to get them the necessary help. You can do this by contacting family members, their doctor, clergymen, or law enforcement agencies.
How do I ask my friend if he or she is thinking about committing suicide?
Appropriate ways: "I'm concerned that you might hurt yourself. Have you "Have you thought about committing suicide?" "Are you planning to kill yourself?" "I'm worried about you. Are you going to kill yourself?" "Is anything bothering you?" |
Inappropriate ways "You're not going to do something stupid, are you?" "You're not suicidal, are you?" "You say you're suicidal, but what's really bothering you?" "Suicide is a sin and if you do it you will go to hell! Are you thinking about killing yourself?" |
You are not responsible for your friend's life. That responsibility remains with him or her. But you can give hope and remind your friend that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary set of problems. Explain that even large problems can be minimized over time with help and support.
If you're reading this and thinking about ending your own life, don't. No matter how bad your problems are, help is available. Find someone who'll listen -- a good friend, a parent, teacher, pastor, doctor, or school counselor. Let someone know the pain you're feeling, and be open for them to help.
I spoke with Death again today
and he told a few good jokes.
We talked of life, my school, my friends,
we talked about my folks.
"Take these skeleton hands," he said,
"and waltz with me, my dear.
I'm offering you passage out,
there is no need to fear."
"I cannot go now," I explained
"for death is eternity.
And one day, before I die,
someone will look up to me."
Then he smiled and spoke the words
"A wise decision made."
He walked into the darkness, not to be seen,
a shadow in the shade.
Cari Horn
poetry contest winner, senior high division
The Gift of Life
Rainbows unpainted and seasons unchanged,
No warmth of the sun or the coolness of rain.
Unopened flowers and sunsets unseen,
A goal unattained and an unfulfilled dream.
Steps that aren't taken and unspoken words,
Unwritten symphonies and songs never heard.
No velvet darkness or the blue of the sky,
Families unloved and no baby's cry.
The laughter of friends that will never meet,
No thrill of victory or tears of defeat.
No twinkling stars or hugs and kisses,
No blowing out candles and making wishes.
Mountains unclimbed and adventures untried,
Still-wrapped packages with surprises inside.
No picnics, swimming, or days that are sunny,
No Santa Claus, valentines, no Easter Bunny.
No chasing fireflies in the dark,
No walks on the beach or a swing in the park.
No smell of cookies that tickles the nose,
No feel of the mud as it squishes your toes.
No fairy tale castles or a princess to save,
No Cinderella slippers or knights that are brave.
No kaleidoscope colors or bright fantasies,
No feelings, no emotion, no memories.
This nightmare world doesn't have to be,
The real world offers much to you and me.
To experience life to its fullest extent,
Is the greatest gift we can ever be sent.
Of all the reasons to live, I know this is true,
The most special one of all is YOU!
Rachel Hayes
Atkins Jr. High for Poster/Writing Contest 4
S et reasonable goals and expectations
E xpect positive results, but accept the consequences whether they are successes or failures
L ike yourself so that others can like you, too
F eel self-confident and give your best effort
E nrich your life with new experiences
S urround yourself with positive thoughts and images
T ourself you have the potential to achieve any goal
E xpress your feelings to friends and family
E ncourage yourself - you have many things to feel proud of
M istakes are a part of life; learn from them
